Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
