I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have aggressive nipples.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
