i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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