I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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