Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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