Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
