Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
