I am midnight drunk by noon
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
