Will you blow on my dice?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
