The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
