I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
