time to smoke my breakfast
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
