i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
