I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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