I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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