So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
