WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
