Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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