I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
