Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
