its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
