Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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