Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
