His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
