Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
