How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
