im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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