just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
