i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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