I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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