My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
