how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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