i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
