Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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