The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
