i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
