Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
