it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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