I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
where are my eyebrows?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
