dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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