brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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