Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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