one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
