Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
