he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
