my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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