I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
