idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
