...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and she was petting her beer can
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
