cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
