1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
