Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
