Sry I called you an 8
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
