gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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