Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
