Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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