tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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